Hocus Focus

Today, I lack the clarity of mind to move forward. I look around and all I see is colors and objects blending into each other in a great big swirl. It is difficult to discern one from an other without succumbing to a life I am not living. I sit cross legged in a coffee house thinking of how I can control and separate the past from my future and objecting to my present as if reality was far from my reach at this very moment. Every one walks in here looking for something, I wonder what. Is it an atmosphere of belonging or is it a single dose of something to make them feel more alive? I wonder and wonder, I wake up again and again every second and I still can't seem to have a grasp on that illusive sense of living reality. What is it that we beings are focusing on to propel our existence forward? I know it is definitely not caffeine...believe me I have had more than I should and I don't feel more alive than the previous cup. Perhaps on the next one a big white puff will come out and the great magician will reveal itself with a wand and a basket full of answers...and then perhaps not and I am doomed to wonder if the answers will be as rewarding as my focus on the questions of my existence.